HaU BLOG Posts
My brain paints me a picture of peace
But my foolish heart seeks adventure I am meddling with reality and fiction But I don’t mind this contradiction I prefer to be neither here nor there In fact, I much rather be nowhere With nowhere to go, I can simply be I can laugh at sunrise or cry during sunset There isn’t a need to be anything but me And "that’s beautiful", my mother once said In this cruel world, I will rather be lost I don’t want to discover all its ugly truths Because they all come with a cost There are times when the world is silent Too silent that it shakes me to my very core For silence conceals the truth and stifles cries It won’t be too soon before we have another war A war started by those spreading the lies Earth can keep my body, but not my soul For it will escape and leave to explore Explore areas where I'm not in anyone's control I will live life as I want to in my own way And travel places left and right, up and down In the hyperactive city of LA, I am a stray But that is ok because one day I’ll be found
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My journey at UCLA has been anything, but smooth sailing. I remember the day I received my acceptance letter I was in complete and utter shock because I was the last person to think I would get accepted especially in a STEM major that had me shook to the core lmao. The center picture was taken the first day I ever stepped foot on this campus at Bruin Day 2019. I was in awe of the campus, the atmosphere, the possibilities seemed endless. The picture of me holding that sign was my first day of classes here and I want to tear up looking at this picture because I was so naive, excited, hopeful for the years to come. My first two years feel almost like a blur. I have been tested time and time again if I am good enough to continue here, if I am smart enough, talented enough, social enough, etc! My first year was hard because I was so focused on sticking to the books that I didn't allow myself the time to explore my interests and really find who I was besides the straight "A" student in high school. I questioned my place because I never really had the support at UCLA I knew all my support was back home and that was the only place I really felt safe. It was hard making friends because the only people I talked to were people in my classes and I never saw them in the subsequent quarters. I stopped working out because I told myself I wouldn't have enough time and I was just a ball of self-doubt. Then the pandemic hit Spring 2019 of my freshman year and we were sent home away from campus and honestly I felt happy about it because I felt I didn't have close friends back at school anyways so I could go home to a place with familiar faces: my home <3. However imposter syndrome hit me the hardest Winter 2020 of my sophomore year to the point where I felt I just didn't belong at UCLA. I felt just utterly disconnected with campus (being completely online) and the fact that when I went back I really had nothing to look forward to just stress, rent, bills, and responsibility. I was dealing with anxiety, imposter syndrome, and fear of failure it was everything you could imagine. I withdrew that quarter and really looked into other options, but that quarter tested me and taught me I am more than just a grade, I have values greater than school, I don't have to be a hardcore stem genius to make my family proud because it wasn't making ME happy, and I have amazing opportunities to connect/make friends/grow my network and learn to enjoy the little things! Spring 2021 changed everything for me. I learned how to be kinder to myself and listen to my mind and body and take breaks when I needed :') I found Hermanas and allowed myself to be apart of a space where other people like me were doing the damn thing and doing a damn good job! I finally felt like I had value in the crazy institution that accepted me. I landed my dream job with UCLA Athletics and things were just looking up! Fast forward to Fall 2021 which was one of the absolute best quarters I have ever had at UCLA. I finally felt happy! I was lucky to have the most amazing roommates who understood and accepted me. They became real friends who I could lean on and confide in. I was able to experience Hermanas in person and bond with the amazing ladies that surround and support me everyday <3 I am inspired by all your valuable experiences and I hope you all can come to me for anything as well! I was able to take a break from classes to work out, relax, do things for me, which I had never done before! I was able to have my amazing family, best friends, and boyfriend by my side every step of the way to support me! I started my dream job as a sports marketing intern with UCLA Athletics. It just finally felt full circle! I felt so complete and grateful for the opportunities, friendships, and most importantly lessons that I have learned throughout my three years here. Even though I continue to question myself everyday I am smiling reflecting on the journey I have been able to overcome thus far. I hope that that drive can continue to motivate and that I use it as a way to remind myself how much I have blossomed and grown at this campus. Looking at my picture from Bruin Day in April 2019 it helps me realize all the hardships, yet beautiful experiences UCLA has given me and I hope to seek the better from this moment forward even when it gets extremely hard. Todas son mujeres poderosas and I hope you all remind yourselves of this everyday! <3
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AuthorThe following posts will be from your fellow Hermanas. Archives
March 2024
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